You’re trying hard to kill me,
And although I’m on your side
I’ll fight you if you get too close
In case I change my mind.
And your efforts to destroy me
Whilst valiant, are mad,
For how could you annihilate
A life I have not had?
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts: reach out – talk, write, draw, scribble, scream, call the Samaritans. Do anything other than take action on your urges.
If someone you love is suicidal, or you suspect they may be: talk to them, sit with them, walk with them, seek help with (or for) them, love them, believe in them.
Suicidal feelings don’t last forever. I promise you this. Life can get better, but only if you hang in there and are prepared to work with those who want to work with, and help, you.
The Samaritans have saved me more than once. They have been there in some of my darkest hours, and I am alive today because they were there when I needed them.
I had friends and family who cared but I was afraid to burden them with the terrifying darkness I was inhabiting. I have since learned that they would have come with me to the very core of darkness if they could have been by my side when I needed the most.
I have wanted to die more times than I can count but never once has that desire had anything to do with attention. Nor even, on many occasions, with dying per se: it has only ever been to do with stopping the internal, unbearable, intolerable anguish of being.
Never once did I think I was being selfish: I truly believed that ending my life was the kindest, most selfless act I could offer to those to whom I was convinced I was nothing but a burden. I thought everyone I knew would be happier and freer without the burden that was me.
In no way am I trying to justify or condone suicide – I am simply trying to explain to those who are struggling: that things can change, life can improve, and you will not feel like ‘this forever’, and for those who have lost someone to Suicide: there was nothing – nothing – more you could have done for them.
That all said, I have no other ideas as to how to prevent suicide. It’s a big ask. But if you reach out, talk about your feelings, believe that people care, and hope that things can change for the better, I don’t know – surely that’s worth a try..?