Today is The Day!

banbury roadThis is probably the most unprepared and unedited blog I will ever write! I’m busy busy busy today, celebrating the publication of my book, which is finally out – today!

I also had a radio interview to get through this morning on the Kat Orman show, at BBC Radio Oxford. Yikes doesn’t even begin to cover it!

This was the view from the BBC Oxford reception, where I was sitting shaking, waiting. The house with the ladder is where I lived during some of the lowest and darkest times of my life. Having walked to the studio in an anxiety induced stupor, I was quite shocked and moved when I looked out the window and realised exactly where I was!

I can’t count how many epic screw-ups took place in the pokey box room I was holed up in, how many times I pushed my body, my self and my closest friends to their absolute limits.

It felt quite monumental to be sitting opposite a building which holds so many dark and disturbing memories, whilst revelling in the unfolding of a new and wonderful adventure. I was close to tears as I travelled into Summertown today for my interview. My nerves were jangling, my heart was pounding and even without the ridiculous heat I would have been sweating just as many buckets as I was. Not for the first time, and surely not for the last, I asked myself what was I thinking? I must have been crazy to think I could do this (!) and yet, there I was, nerves and all, pushing through. Then I looked up and saw this house and realised that I am living, breathing proof that there is, always, hope.

I am in such a different place than I was 10 years ago, and I can categorically say that 10 years ago I did not believe such a place existed – definitely not for me! And yet here I am, more pleased than ever that I didn’t give up all those times when giving up was all I wanted to do. I am proud of myself, proud of my book, and proud of my beloved friends and family who told me, 10 years ago, that one day I would look back and feel so differently about being alive. That day has come.

I do not say this lightly: if I can do it, then anyone can! I’ve crossed the road – very literally, and in every other sense – and, when I look at where I came from, right now, all I can think is ‘wow’. Just wow!

I’m off to celebrate now!


7 thoughts on “Today is The Day!

  1. Jacqueline says:

    You’ve come so far and keep on blogging Tracy. This particular piece brought a tear to my eye, initially, then I had the biggest smile knowing you’ve achieved what you have today… Feeling immensely proud of you ❤️

  2. How wonderful Tracy and how spooky! Wow. Truth really is stranger than fiction! What a lot of incredible work you have done over the years. To be standing where you are now.
    How far you have journeyed.
    I am in awe of your achievements but I am also encouraged. You are so open, generous and giving. In talking about mental health, you encourage others to talk about it. Many congratulations Tracy. I am so proud of you.

  3. suzy says:

    I think it’s a very thoughtful and selfless thing to do in sharing your experiences and explaining how this has affected you and how you’ve continued to succeed and manage through difficult days. We are looking forward to reading your book (en route as we speak!)
    Know that you’ll be helping so many people. That’s brilliant! Thank you.

  4. Tracey Rail says:

    You did it Tracy! Your book is published, your radio interview has been broadcast and I’m chuffed to bits to read that you’re proud of yourself – what a wonderful state to enjoy. How fab are you?!! xx

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